April 10th

It is Sunday April 10th. Nothing really going on lately. It's been a boring week. Andrew and I are just patiently waiting until the day we can meet our little boy. Tomorrow morning I have a WIC appointment at 9:30 and also a doctor appointment at 2:30. YAY. I will be 24 weeks tomorrow. Viable life! 16 weeks seems like forever still... I don't have anything ready for the baby. I don't even know who's getting me the crib and bedding etc etc... My mother and grammy bought my sister her crib, so I'm assuming that they will do the same for me. Mother in law will get whatever for us.. I just want to figure it all out,  because HELLO we only have like 3 months left! The spare bedroom is still just that, spare and BARE. I want to paint and start the nursery but no, I can't do anything until I get stuff! and I won't get stuff until other people get it for me! I hate not being in control! Maybe I will just ask MIL to buy the crib right now and ask my mom just to get the bedding and a dresser whenever she feels like it. I tried to talk to her about it, but I didn't want to just be pushy and say yo are you getting me the crib and when? LOL But she didn't say much, she was like yeah we have to figure out when we are having the shower and all that. But left it at that. I am so anxious! Andrew also seems like he feels like we still have lots of time before the baby comes, he doesn't realize that we have to start doing shit NOW. The closet in the spare bedroom is filled with crap that we need to clean out and he's like oh I'll do that later.... Later? REALLY? It's not like I am not going to help out. I just want that room ready for my baby! I am so calm and people take advantage of that!!! Inside I am screaming to get ready. Everyone says, Oh Cortney won't mind if we take our time, she's so nice and understanding. Well yes I am but GOD it's so hard to be patient especially when I'm HAVING MY FIRST BABY! AHhh. I've been obsessing over HGTV lately so now I will say farewell and watch house hunters. HAHA. Good day!

March 31st

Today is March 31st. Wow. Only 4 more months until my little one is here! I am now 22 weeks and 3 days. I just got home from Florida on Tuesday night. I missed Andrew soooo much! It was so amazing to see him! He makes me soo happy and treats me like a princess. I love him. I feel so bad for him because he broke his pinky and now he has a cast on for about 2 weeks. WOW. He can't hardly do anything the poor thing. I got so energetic since I have been home and my apartment is so clean now. My little pooch missed me and he's soo happy I am home LOL. He really loves me too. I am getting very anxious lately. I want to start the nursery and get all this stuff for my baby but I don't know what to do until my baby shower. Maybe I can paint??? But I hope the paint matches the bedding! This is so scary! I just want to get everything set up and I can't! I don't know if my mother is getting me the crib or not because she bought my sister's kids their crib so it would only be fair if she got us ours too. But who knows. I really would appreciate it and I just want to know if she's going to get it! I really want to start the nursery! I know my MIL will get us everything else we need. This sucks! But Andrew and I did buy our little one a few cute onsies! Flyers, yankees, and some rock band onsies! They are so cute! My little one is going to be a rockstar! HA. I can't wait until he is here. Time is going by so slow! I want my little boy!!!!!!!!!!!! I want him so bad!!!! It's taking forever :( :( :( :( :( :(  god I just want to meet him and be with him and play with him and take care of him and be his momma. So I had a WIC appointment yesterday. But I couldn't get anything done because I didn't know what to do about my source of income. I don't have any so I am supposed to get a note from my MIL saying that she pays rent and for food. But I didn't know that. So NOW I have to get her to write the note for me (not a problem) but I have to wait until April 11th and drive all the way to Harrisburg for another WIC appointment. Such a pain in the ass. AND that same day I have my next doctors appointment in Harrisburg but the WIC appointment is at 9:30 and my doc appointment is at 2:30. What a pain in the ass. Another thing that pisses me off, I got a waiver for my ultrasound and for some reason they decided to charge me and send me a bill for 600 bucks. So now I have to figure it out. I lost my health insurance in February and my old doctor charged me for an appointment I had in January. I am so pissed. I mean really? My ex-insurance company is like fucking me over. I didn't lose my insurance until February and they have even charged me for something that happened in October! I don't have the money. I have a few bills to pay from past credit cards and I can hardly afford that! I hate insurance companies! I wasn't going to get medicad for such a short period of time (until July 1st) but now that they are charging me all this stuff I should do it. I get my old insurance back on July 1st. IDK. I also have another problem, I took a leave of absence from Kutztown but I plan on going back. But they expect me to start paying my loans back (almost $7,000) in July. WTF? I only took a leave of absence til summer. I am confused. Right now I can't really do anything though. I don't have anything to do today just relax and spend time with my man :) Bye!

landed

I just got to my grandparents home in Florida. I am visiting my Pappy. He doesn't look so good, but he is still cracking jokes and drinking beer (somehow lol) I am a little discouraged because my uncle comes to say hi and he tells me I look 8 months preggo rather than 5. UGH thanks. I know he's just a dick sometimes so I guess I don't really care. I just hate looking like this. It's got me really really depressed. My fiance is so hotttt and has the perfect body. I feel like a cow next to him. But anyway, its about 76 degrees and sooo beautiful. I just miss my man already. hmmm :(
nothing more to say for now..

21 weeks pregnant. first blog.

This is my first blog! I can't seem to get in the habit of writing in a journal but I am always on the computer so I figured I could do better with an internet journal. Today marks me OVER THE HUMP, 21 weeks yay! I have been feeling awfully huge and ugly lately. I hate it. I feel like my fiance doesn't want me anymore. I can hardly fit in my clothes. I feel so uncomfortable all day. I am not one of those mothers who love pregnancy. I really hate it. I feel bad for saying that, but I am really excited to see my baby boy Vincent. I just hate this 9 months being BORING and feeling like shit. I am also young at 22, and everyone is like yeah lets party, eh. Not for me, thanks. Andrew (fiance) just got a job and he's been working for almost 2 weeks now. I have never not had a job and I don't know what to do with myself! He works 4-5 nights a week from 5-10ish. I only have one friend in this area and I don't know what else to do. I clean the apartment and play with the dog. I feel like such a loser! I tried joining the mom's group on Meetup.com but they haven't "approved" me into the group yet. I really need some friends my age that have children! My family is so far away as well. This coming weekend my sister and I are taking a trip to Florida to see my grandparents and my uncle. My grandfather doesn't have long to live and we really wanted to see him before he passed. I saw a picture of him from when my mother just went down, and he looks so old and skinny. It's so sad because my whole life he's been a outdoorsy muscle man. He looks so weak and I can't stand it. We share the same birthday and we have been really close my whole life. It's going to be so extremely hard to see him like this. I feel bad for my sister because she can't bring her 2 boys down to see him. My mom paid over $600 for our tickets and we would have had to buy Carter (her 3 year old) a ticket and we couldn't afford it. So the boys have to stay at home. Megan (my sister) is really disappointed and upset that my pappy can't spend some time with them. I am just upset that my pappy won't be able to see my baby. We think he will definitely be gone before then (August 1st). I also really wanted him to be at my wedding. . . I'm very very very upset about this. I love him and I don't want him to go. But tis life and I will have to mourn and realize that God has him up there with him in heaven and he's happy and waiting for me. Today is supposed to be 66 degrees but rainy so I will probably have another night inside the house being boring. Thanks for reading!