21 weeks pregnant. first blog.

This is my first blog! I can't seem to get in the habit of writing in a journal but I am always on the computer so I figured I could do better with an internet journal. Today marks me OVER THE HUMP, 21 weeks yay! I have been feeling awfully huge and ugly lately. I hate it. I feel like my fiance doesn't want me anymore. I can hardly fit in my clothes. I feel so uncomfortable all day. I am not one of those mothers who love pregnancy. I really hate it. I feel bad for saying that, but I am really excited to see my baby boy Vincent. I just hate this 9 months being BORING and feeling like shit. I am also young at 22, and everyone is like yeah lets party, eh. Not for me, thanks. Andrew (fiance) just got a job and he's been working for almost 2 weeks now. I have never not had a job and I don't know what to do with myself! He works 4-5 nights a week from 5-10ish. I only have one friend in this area and I don't know what else to do. I clean the apartment and play with the dog. I feel like such a loser! I tried joining the mom's group on Meetup.com but they haven't "approved" me into the group yet. I really need some friends my age that have children! My family is so far away as well. This coming weekend my sister and I are taking a trip to Florida to see my grandparents and my uncle. My grandfather doesn't have long to live and we really wanted to see him before he passed. I saw a picture of him from when my mother just went down, and he looks so old and skinny. It's so sad because my whole life he's been a outdoorsy muscle man. He looks so weak and I can't stand it. We share the same birthday and we have been really close my whole life. It's going to be so extremely hard to see him like this. I feel bad for my sister because she can't bring her 2 boys down to see him. My mom paid over $600 for our tickets and we would have had to buy Carter (her 3 year old) a ticket and we couldn't afford it. So the boys have to stay at home. Megan (my sister) is really disappointed and upset that my pappy can't spend some time with them. I am just upset that my pappy won't be able to see my baby. We think he will definitely be gone before then (August 1st). I also really wanted him to be at my wedding. . . I'm very very very upset about this. I love him and I don't want him to go. But tis life and I will have to mourn and realize that God has him up there with him in heaven and he's happy and waiting for me. Today is supposed to be 66 degrees but rainy so I will probably have another night inside the house being boring. Thanks for reading!